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Éêº×fastidiouslyescaped,herheartpoundinglikeawardrumagainstherribs.Thebitingwindandswirlingsnowdidlittletocooltheheatthathadsuddenlybloomedonhercheeks.SheflewthroughthefamiliarpeaksandvalleysofMt.Aocang,hermovementsswiftandprecise,yethermindwasinutterdisarray.Neverhadshefeltsuchabewilderingrushofemotions.Theman¡¯swords,hisgentlegaze,thelingeringwarmthofthehandkerchief¨Ctheyhadallconspiredtoawakensomethingdeepwithinher,somethingshehadlongburiedanddesperatelytriedtoforget.
Shefoundherselfseekingrefugeinasecludedcave,theentrancehiddenbehindacascadeoffrozenwater.Inside,thesilencewasawelcomebalm,butitcouldn'tentirelyquelltheturmoilwithinher.Shesankontoapatchofmoss-coveredrock,herbreathcominginraggedgasps.Shedaredtoglanceatthehandkerchiefinherhand.Theembroideredlotus,sodelicateandpure,seemedtomockhercurrentstateofflusteredagitation.
Asingletear,unbidden,escapedthecornerofhereyeandtracedawarmpathdownhercoldcheek.Itwasn'tatearofsadness,norofpain.Itwasatearof¡confusion?Oflonging?Ofanascent,unfamiliarjoy?Sheblinked,andsuddenly,theworldseemedtoshimmerthroughawateryhaze.Sheraisedatremblinghandtoherface,herfingersbrushingagainstherdampskin.Thesensationwasalmostelectric.
Hermindraced,replayingtheencounteroverandover.Hissmile,sogenuine.Hiswords,soinsightful.Hehadspokenofa"veryimportantperson"whohadtaughthimaboutwarmth,aboutthepossibilityofabloomingflowerinaworldofice.Couldhebereferringto¡her?Thethoughtsentanotherwaveofheatthroughher,makinghereyeswaterevenmore.Shefeltastrangeurgetolaughandcryatthesametime,asensationsoforeignandoverwhelmingthatitmadeherheadspin.
Shesqueezedhereyesshut,tryingtoregainhercomposure.Hertraininghadtaughthertosuppressallemotions,tobecomeapurevesselofthesword.Butthisman,withhisquietpresenceandgentlewords,hadmanagedtochipawayatherdefenseswithaneasethatwasbothterrifyingand¡exhilarating.Shehadalwaysbelievedherselftobebeyondsuchmundanefeelingsasaffectionordesire.ShewasadiscipleoftheCloudRetainer,abeingdestinedforalifeofsolitudeanddetachment.Yet,hereshewas,herheartflutteringlikeatrappedbird,hervisionblurredbytearsofanemotionshecouldn'tyetname.
Thememoryofhisgaze,sounderstandingandkind,returnedtoher.Itwasn'tpity,norwasitjudgment.Itwas¡acceptance.Forthefirsttimeinaverylongtime,shefeltseen,trulyseen,notastheice-coldassassin,butassomethingmore,somethingthathadthepotentialforwarmth.Sheopenedhereyesagain,thetearsstillpresent,butnowwithadifferentquality.Theyseemedtocarryafaint,iridescentglow,reflectingthesliverofhopethathadbeguntodawnwithinher.
Shefoundherselftracingthepatternsonthehandkerchiefagain.Thelotus.Itwasasymbolofpurity,ofrebirth,ofrisingfromthemudunstained.Coulditbeametaphorforherownjourney?Hadthisencounterbeenasign,agentlenudgefromfate?Thethoughtwasbothdauntingandstrangelycomforting.
Asthehourspassed,theinitialpanicbegantosubside,replacedbyaquietcuriosity.Shefoundherselfreplayingnotjusthiswords,buthisverypresence.Thewayhestood,thewayhespoke,thesubtlekindnessinhiseyes.Eachmemorybroughtafaintblushbacktohercheeks,asubtlequickeningofherpulse.Thetearshadlongsincedried,butthefeelingofbeingonthecuspofsomethingprofoundremained.
Shelookedoutofthecaveentrance,thesnownowfallingmoregently.Theworldoutsidestilllookedcold,butsomehow,itfeltlessthreatening.Shethoughtoftheman,andasmall,almostimperceptiblesmiletouchedherlips.Perhaps,shemused,herheartwasn'tentirelyfrozenafterall.Perhaps,likethelotusonthehandkerchief,aseedofwarmthhadbeenplanted,waitingfortherightconditionstobloom.
Theideaofreturningtotheworld,ofseekingoutthismanagain,wasadauntingone.Itwentagainsteverythingshehadbeentaught,everythingshehadworkedsohardtoachieve.Butapartofher,anewlyawakenedpart,yearnedformore.Ityearnedforthewarmthhehadhintedat,forthepossibilityofaconnectionthattranscendedthecoldisolationofherexistence.
Shestoodup,hermovementslessfranticthanbefore.Thetearshadclearedhervision,bothliterallyandfiguratively.Shestillfelttheblushonhercheeks,thequickenedbeatofherheart,butnow,theywereaccompaniedbyasenseofwonderandanticipation.Shepocketedthehandkerchiefcarefully,atangiblereminderofthistransformativeencounter.Thepathaheadwasuncertain,fraughtwiththechallengesofherowninternalstrugglesandthecomplexitiesofthemortalworld.Butforthefirsttime,theprospectofventuringintothatworld,ofperhapsfindingthatelusivewarmth,didn'tseementirelyimpossible.Theicewasbeginningtomelt,andwithit,anewchapterinthelifeoftheswordimmortal,achapterfilledwiththesweet,confusing,andutterlycaptivatingbeginningsofaheartawakening.